Some people think that you need to try harder. I thought that of my boyfriend, and that is why I dumped him shortly after writing my last blog post. He was also my Dom. He was my comforter and my protector. But isn’t it amazing that he sucked at it all?
Today, I went to a Grad Open House at my present college and came from it with newfound perspective. We can all do so much before we’re compared to others and then try to overwork ourselves. I learned today from my school Disabilities Advisor, since I have a slew of mental issues I know and don’t know about that also affect me at school, that when mentally incapacitated due to our disabilities, we have a tank of energy that is almost always running on empty. We have to deal with our mental disabilities and the disable-minded of the world. Aka, the stupid human beans. Yes, beans. We’re all beans. Imma call us beans for this analogy.
So these human beans can be atypically minded, such as those whose brains work extra hard to rid themselves of their abnormalities in order to function in everyday-typical society until they learn to work with, instead of against, the special way their minds work…because there’s no fixing the inner composition of a bean…whatever way it malformed, it is just fucked.
Or they can be typically-minded beanividuals. These beans…are meant to dictate the societal norm of beans. Also, they’re a perfect regulatory standard since they are not used to having a crippling, debilitating experience from the moment they wake up to the moment they sleep simply because their brains started to function. That would be destructive towards a bean. Anything these normal beans acquire abnormally or disastrously along their growth or lifespan tend to be cured like the common cold to a physical body, because survival of the fittest bean dictates it be that way. Otherwise, such a thing stays with the bean like a chronic, terminal disease. It’s meant to impair the bean’s function. It is meant to kill the bean!
And some beans ultimately hate themselves and want to no longer exist, so as to not spoil the bunch. They listen to their disease well. This is while the healthy others soar in excellence and popularity, and grow big, healthy, and ready to be eaten and ingested by the world around them. Ingestion is good for beans. It means their nutrients are being absorbed, and beans don’t live to not be eaten.
But yeah, beans that are pretty imperfect and fucked up don’t tend to find their purpose. They tend to be laughed at, or ridiculed, and told that they’re retarded since they can’t get themselves straight like the typical ones. But think of it. That’s like telling someone with a cold and migraine to get over it and somehow start performing excellently in a fluorescent-lit classroom, when that bean just feels like cuddling up in the darkness and making the pain go away. Pain that it’d die with at some point from it all being unbearable. But we beans aren’t heartless…we wouldn’t just let a bean sit there and suffer. So survival of the fittest doesn’t win against smart, sophisticated beans. And if it did, then every bean would die someday when they fell on hard times.
Everyday, we heavily afflicted beans strive on making the pain go away, from the outside in, from the help we get from others. From their counsel. Or we can perish to some mean bean’s apathy. And the days we know we can’t change it or fight it, what’s killing us, we just hope, or worse, when we’re all out of energy to live our daily functions, we succumb to that lack of hope, and that strength of fear. We become bean-gry with the way our lives are treating us…with the way people are treating us when they tell us that our non-contagious bean disease isn’t true. And then we think, if they had it, would they be saying that? If they caught our disease…somehow through osmosis…how would they really want to be treated?
If the bean god who gave the bean that disease decided to give another bean that was lacking it the same disease, the only way it’s been known to be procured, then would the bean finally understand the reality of this disease that can’t be caught from bean to bean but is still very real, and fatal to the carrier? The bean would. If it wasn’t too painful to admit, and some beans find it hard to admit.
So treat every bean with equality. We grow from the same ground. A fucked up earth. And some beans will never, ever believe they have a mental disease, even when they do. So when a bean identifies the disease…it’s a step in the right direction for that bean. That bean will probably get help, now. It is not over for that bean. That bean didn’t go unseen or ridiculed. That bean exists. It is not yet among the dead. It is not yet among the entirely discouraged.
So, don’t tell a bean to try harder. That bean is already doing the best it can. And if you can’t see it, then don’t judge…Just go about your life and be proud of your personal bean-gress. And don’t give up.